first 3 pages of new script

[emjen]

Hello.

This is my first serious attempt on this site, so please don't bash me into the ground like the last things [img]smile.gif[/img] . I have this suparr cool idea in my head, this huge project, which i honestly dont really want to work on until i concider myself a serious script writer, but today when riding home on my bike i got this cool idea of the first scene. (the second to be honest). Anyways, this is the beginning of it, I just made it about 15 mins ago. What I want to know from you is, did it read well, do you want to know more by reading just this, do you think Todd really ?s a charachter, how can I improve my writing just reading this, what can i remove, what is wise to add, if more?

Thanks.

One of the first questions i have myself is how do i write the city where todd is cycling through. Do i need to write that there are some flats, houses and trees or even more, or did i do just fine by saying 'a town' ?

thanks again.

EXT. Street ? day

A young man, 16, cycles through his town. It?s a sunny day, and many people have come out to enjoy the weather, wearing short summer clothes. The young man is TODD McClary, a boy looking older than he really is, and with a sympathic look on his face.

TODD (V.O.)
I?ve always seemed to know people by looking at them.

Todd overtakes an older woman and looks at her. The woman looks harrassed back.

TODD (V.O.)
Older people, who think every person younger than them will assault and rob them. This woman here is afraid of me kicking her off her bike. She?s friendly though.

Todd cycles further and sees two young girls on his right side. One of them looks at Todd, and the other one immediately starts doing her hair at the sight of Todd, sho-wing her neck. Todd looks just for a moment at the girls, uninterested, and starts pay-ing attention to the road again.

TODD (V.O.)
Cheap arrogant girls, who can only like someone if they would be pretty. They need attention. They?re wearing a mask, literally and by figure.

Todd cycles further and enjoys the weather. He gets up straight on his bike and cy-cles without hands. He reaches in his pocket, turns on his MD-Player and plugs the earplugs in his ears.

TODD (V.O.)
I don?t know why I can, I just can. All I need is a simple look on another persons face, and I know how they are. Maybe not how they will act, or be, but more like the way they truly are, behind the mask they?re putting on.

Todd comes across a guy on a bike. This guy is doing his best to look mean, and he looks at Todd with the meanest look possible. Todd sees this, and gives an air-kiss at the mean looking boy.

MEAN BOY
Stupid *** !

TODD
Love the way you look!
Todd rides further, but the mean boy stopped riding his bike. He looks at Todd. Pissed.

MEAN BOY
Come on ****** ! Come on! Fight me wise guy! You?re afraid huh? *** !

Todd looks back, and sees the mean boy shout. He shakes his head and goes on with riding.

TODD (V.O.)
Pathetic guys who pretend to be strong and super, but who will end doing the dishes for the people they?ve once beaten up. Boys who?ve suffered from an awful childhood and have nothing good to do. Assholes. Absolutely no respect for that kind of people.

The MD-Player switches to another song, a very happy pop-song. Todd moves his head on this.

TODD (V.O.)
I can see the base of people. The base of their very soul. I can see it in their eyes, in the expression on their face. In the way they move, they dress. I think I?m the only one who can do this. It?s kind of useful. I hang around with the kind of people I want, I date the right girls, it?s almost like reading some ones mind. Many people say bad people don?t exist, that everyone is good but that society changes them. I don?t be-lieve that. You are born either good or bad. It?s the soul you have, you get it when you?re inside your mother. Society doesn?t change you, it can only help to suppress the feelings you have, and you learn to do good or right. Then there?s the ever going question: what is wrong and what is right? **** , this is one ugly tag.

INT. Toilet in school ? day

Todd is sitting on the toilet, and he?s looking at the graffiti made on the door, hun-dreds of small pieces by different people. He notices one unprofessionally done tag.

TODD (V.O.)
The maker of that should be banned. I can even do better than that, and it?s his **** -ing job to make good looking tags.

Todd gives the door a long look, reading all the tags and love confessions on the door.

TODD (V.O.)
So many people. So few uninteresting ones. I?m just looking for someone like me, if I can ever find someone like me. I know there are, there are others like me. I don?t really know how, I just know. It?s in my dreams, or something. The weird dreams I?m having, about others like me. Maybe I?m from another planet. Maybe I?m that full of myself that I find myself special. Hmm I?m shitting in school, so it won?t probably be that.

EXT.

[Generic Skinhead]

INT-TODDS HOME-DAY

TODD is browsing the exposure website. He sees the names of the posters, some weird and some plain bad, but all uninteresting. Todd focuses on one: "Generic Skinhead."

Todd (VO)
I don't need to see his face. I can tell from his name thats he's just another witless, pretentious film student with nothing to contribute to humanity. A pathetic social leech, trying to be ironic and cool, but failing, and failing badly. Trying so hard to make a differance with his films. Such ideals disgust me. Such heroic nonsense. Who does he thinks he is? He thinks he matters. He thinks his opinions "count." He is mistaken. I'm the only one that counts. He should just go back to growing potatoes like the rest of his pointless, backwards country. The Irish, whose only escape from the tedium of their wretched country is provided by a Guinness pint-glass. Bah-nothing but peasants. Pea-brained cretins who lack the insight to appreciate my awesome powers of perception.

If only there was another like me.